Poop Reading - Less Prestigious 300 Clubs

Less Prestigious 300 Clubs

—Number of government bailouts for your auto company. (Mike)

—Situations in which you should've had pants on. (Matt)

—Booty calls accepted from Jocelyn Wildenstein in a calendar year. (Brandon)

—Maximum number of dollars you've ever paid for a car. (Joe)

—Ninth innings attended at Dodger Stadium (no members yet, but hopefully soon). (Jameson)

—Consecutive days with a court-ordered paternity test. (Sean)

—Strokes on an 18-hole golf course. (Mike)

—Billy Beers consumed before going blind. (Matt)

—Abortion doctors "capped." (Jameson)

—Poops in a month. (Matt)

—Number of doves not annihilated in an awesome explosion of feathers. (Jameson)

—Times taking the SAT and average score thereof. (Brandon)

—Number of children you pay alimony for each month. (Matt)

—Days without brushing your teeth (aka The Prince Charles Club). (Mike)

—Distinct nicknames from teammates related to the idea of your undersized genitalia. (Jameson)

—Consecutive weeks you've said that you've "got to start getting to the gym," but haven't. (Joe)

—Number of crippling campaign gaffes (Sarah Palin, charter member). (Mike)

—Advancement opportunities missed by refusing to wear anything but Spiderman outfits to work. (Matt)

—Mentions on your neighborhood's sex offender list. (Jameson)

—Failed attempts to get a hug from Harrison Ford while wearing a Chewbacca mask. (Brandon)

—Embarrassing phone calls made to the Immodium help line. (Matt)

—Appearances on the Maury Povich show. (Jameson)

—No matter what its members may say, the 300 club at your local bowling alley. (Sean)

Baron von Contributors: Sean Hecht, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner