POOP READING
Jun 19, 2009

Now that she's extracted an apology from David Letterman for a joke he told about her daughter Bristol, Sarah Palin isn't about to stop there...

Other Things Sarah Palin Is Now Demanding an Apology For

—The results of the 2008 Presidential Election. (Brandon)

—Evolution. (Mike)

—The lack of conceptual purity in the whole "Bridge to Nowhere" idea – it's still from somewhere, which takes all the fun out of wasting federal money on it. (Jameson)

—The failure of her daughter Bristol to preserve her pre-marital virginity by making use of the so-called "poophole loophole." (Joe)

—Receiving only 1 and 9/10ths scoops of raisins in her Kellogg's Raisin Bran. (Matt)

—The "finger twaddle" attempted by her husband Todd in August of 1997. (Brad)

—The incorrect media portrayal that she supported hunting wolves from a helicopter; she actually endorsed hunting Wolf Blitzer. (Brandon)

—Her daughter's bastard son is no longer politically expedient, but he refuses to go away. (Jameson)

—The character "Willow" in the 1988 movie Willow was a dwarf – clearly a cheap, perverted shot at her 14-year-old daughter Willow's height. (Mike)

—Theresa Thompson, a.k.a. Miss Ketchikan 1984... bitch borrowed Palin's lipstick at the Miss Alaska pageant twenty-five years ago and never gave it back. (Joe)

—Coke Zero tastes too much like regular Coke. (Jameson)

—The 1998 Mark McGwire/Sammy Sosa home run record chase. (Brandon)

—The last 15 minutes of No Country For Old Men. (Joe)

—The Seinfeld finale didn't really live up to the hype. (Jameson)

—Not being asked to be on I'm a Celebrity, Get Me Out Of Here! (Mike)

—Wants David Carradine to apologize for giving autoerotic asphyxiation a bad name. (Jameson)

—Unfair expectation that a candidate for political office must actually "know things" and "read stuff." (Brandon)

—The way she's getting some free home renovations from contractors seeking favors, but not "Ted Stevens level" free home renovations. (Jameson)

—The obviously shoddy, patchwork education she received by hopscotching back and forth between four different colleges in a five-year period. (Brad)

—Obama keeps talking about getting GM "back on track," which just reminds her of the time she accidentally backed over her son Track in a GM pickup. (Jameson)

—Gave copious pre-production notes to the star of the adult film Nailin' Palin, but saw almost none of them incorporated into the actress's onscreen performance. (Joe)

—The Hangover sets an irresponsible example of how to care for an infant, or a wild tiger. (Jameson)

—The way the media continually resorts to referring to her children by cruel nicknames like "Track," "Bristol," "Willow," "Piper," and "Trig"– oh wait, I'm being told those are their actual names. (Brandon)

—Her inability to make a splash on the national political scene without resorting to bullying tactics. (Jameson)

—Jay Leno's entire career. (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Brad Kruse, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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