Poop Reading - Surprises Found in the New Sarah Palin Memoir

Surprises Found in the New Sarah Palin Memoir

—She quit writing even though the book was only halfway completed. (Mike)

—In addition to her ability to see Russia from Alaska, she can also hear Singapore and smell China. (Jameson)

—After she gives birth, she refuses to name the child until she gets absolutely bombed out of her mind on peyote. (Joe)

—Original punchline to her "What's the difference between a pit bull and a hockey mom?" joke was "Slightly less pooping in the yard." (Brandon)

—Husband Todd has a penis with four heads, one of which is uncircumcised. (Matt)

—It has been impossible to remove John McCain's old man stink from her clothes and hair. (Brad)

—For an extra $3.95, readers can purchase a companion volume containing all the Gs that were dropped from the original text. (Jameson)

—Unable to locate America, real or otherwise, on a standard-issue globe. (Mike)

—Fully details her mid-'80s stint with G.L.O.W. (the "Gorgeous Ladies of Wrestling"), during which she simply removed the letter "L" from her last name and competed as "Sarah Pain." (Joe)

—Shortly after she and Bristol had their babies, Todd, for reasons still unclear to medical science, gave birth to a small Holstein calf. (Brandon)

—One chapter was ghost written by Tina Fey, but her Palin impersonation is still so spot-on that you can't tell which one. (Jameson)

—It's really just one of those hollowed-out "books" that you can keep your flask in. (Matt)

—First heard phrase "Drill, Baby, Drill!" while walking past daughter Bristol's bedroom. (Brad)

—Famously Palin-friendly Fox News anchor Greta van Susteren has lived in the Palin's crawl space for the past seven months. (Jameson)

—Most readers undoubtedly didn't expect quite so many off-color "yo mama" jokes. (Joe)

—There's a lot of stuff about snakes. I mean like two chapters worth, at least. (Matt)

—Her glasses not only give her that sexy librarian look, they also contain a Terminator-style computer system that allows her to identify "real" Americans. (Brandon)

—It turns out Letterman was right: her 14-year-old daughter Willow actually has been carrying on a torrid sexual affair with Alex Rodriguez. (Jameson)

—Restroom facilities on the "Straight Talk Express" bus were tiny and cramped, forcing Palin and Meghan McCain to shower together frequently. (That's either a surprising revelation from the book or a recurring dream of mine from last October; I'm not sure which.) (Joe)

—She was born in Kenya. (Mike)

—Not only does she announce her candidacy for the 2012 presidential election, she announces her June 2013 resignation from the Oval Office as well. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brad Kruse, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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Surprises Found in the New Sarah Palin Memoir