Poop Reading - Pros and Cons of Being TIME Magazine's Person of the Year

Pros and Cons of Being Time Magazine's Person of the Year

—Have to actually read Time magazine. (Brandon)

—After four months, you'll be replaced by Leno. (Mike)

—People incessantly asking you what time it is all year. (Jameson)

—The first paragraph of your Christmas letter to friends and family pretty much writes itself. (Joe)

—Unlimited blow jobs from Ryan Seacrest. (Just to be clear, that's a con.) (Tenessa)

—Responsible for answering and responding to overflow calls from 911. (Brandon)

—Typically, only one in three Persons of the Year spends any time in a maximum security federal prison. (Mike)

—Former winner Ted Turner is always calling to see if you want to hang out. (Jameson)

—Get to spend "seven minutes in heaven" with Playboy Playmate of the Year. (Joe)

—Nobody knows why, but the honor comes with a lifetime supply of ranch dressing. (Tenessa)

—Too easy for jerks to say "Yeah, right... more like Person of the Queer." (Brandon)

—Hitler was once Time's Man of the Year. That's right. You and Hitler won the same award. (Mike)

—So did Stalin. Twice. Live with that. (Mike)

—Since 2009, the honor has been considered more legitimate than the Nobel Peace Prize. (Jameson)

—No longer eligible to be named Highlights Magazine's Goofus or Gallant of the Year. (Tenessa)

—You still have to do whatever the Person of the Decade says. (Jameson)

—Comes with a trophy, but Bill Clinton did some pretty disturbing things with it during the year it was in his possession. (Brandon)

—Inadvertently outs you as a person to that family of wolves who raised you as one of their own. (Joe)

—You get to insert one typo of your choice into any Time article during the course of your reign. (Jameson)

—Being seated next to People's "Sexiest Man Alive" at every damn magazine awards ceremony doesn't do much for the ol' dating life. (Mike)

—Every year Jesus isn't Person of the Year, the title loses some of its luster. (Jameson)

—Empty feeling inside when your year of recognition comes to a close. (Brandon)

—Wherever you go, people are staring at you and quietly thinking "it should have been Louis C.K." (Tenessa)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner