POOP READING
Feb 18, 2011

For a three-week period in late January and early February, headlines around the world were dominated by news out of Egypt, where widespread civil resistance by many of the country's citizens eventually led to the ouster of President Hosni Mubarak. But many Americans were too busy to take notice...

Things Americans Were Paying Attention To While That Whole Egypt Thing Was Going On

—Dog the Bounty Hunter marathon on A&E. (Brandon)

—Cookie-stuffed cookies. (Tenessa)

—Whether the frat guy rapist's team or the gay surfer dude's team would win the Super Bowl. (Joe)

—Preparing their own riots in case Verizon ran out of iPhones. (Jameson)

—Figuring out where the fuck their keys went. (Mike)

—Turtle porn. (Matt)

—March Madness pre-madness. (Brandon)

—High-speed rail, and the pretend enthusiasm that it briefly engendered. (Joe)

—Waiting with a backloader on standby for the precise moment their daughter outgrows Justin Bieber. (Jameson)

—Well, it sure as hell wasn't soccer. (Mike)

—Come on, have you seen the new Nissan Juke? It's like a sports car that's also an SUV that's also a bike! (Brandon)

—I totally would have paid attention, but my Twitter feed merged my Facebook updates with my favstars. (Tenessa)

—Waiting to see if Snooki would be overthrown by civil unrest on Jersey Shore. (Brandon)

—That 45-second window when it seemed like we were going to be forced into a serious discussion on gun control in this country. Whew – close one! (Jameson)

—Google searches to determine when the next "Shark Week" starts. (Mike)

—Hey, that squirrel is trying to hump that chipmunk! (Brandon)

—Developing new ways to fry things, cover them in cheese, or cover them in fried cheese. (Jameson)

—Trying to show the proper amount of respect for the recent death of Filipino painter Federico Aguilar Alcuaz. (Brandon)

—Proposing budgets with massive deficits while continuing not to address unfunded and unsustainable entitlement obligations that will inevitably cripple and destroy our economy if not our entire system of government, all the while laughing at the idea that any sort of citizen uprising could ever happen here. (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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