POOP READING
Mar 30, 2011

Best of Baron von Funny: February-March 2010

Other Problems Found in Toyota Vehicles

—Each window rolls down once and only once. (Mike)

Rejected Winter Olympics Events

—Let's Put a Bunch of Horses on Skis and See What Happens (Brandon)

Other Problems Found in Toyota Vehicles

—Many anti-theft devices were mistakenly installed as theft devices. (Sean)

Other Ways the U.S. Postal Service Plans to Cut Costs

—Rename it Obamamail and half the country won't even want it to be delivered. (Matt)

Moral Imperatives That Didn't Make the Cut for the Ten Commandments

—Hey! You see that? That thing, right there? Well... stay offa that! (Joe)

Other Things Sarah Palin Has Written on Her Hand

—"Pander; Pander; Snide Folksy Remark; Wink; Pander; Repeat." (Jameson)

Other Problems Found in Toyota Vehicles

—The 2010 4Runner features 13 additional cup holders – which, sadly, have a tendency to burst into flames. (Tenessa)

Rejected Winter Olympics Events

—Straightening: Curling's Ugly Cousin (Mike)

New Slogans for ESPN

—"The Worldwide Leader in Torts" (Brandon)

Additional Gaffes Made by Joe Biden

—Once ate an entire party sub at a Darfur hunger strike. (Matt)

Lesser-Known St. Patrick's Day Traditions

—Not wearing green, just to be a dick. (Joe)

Other Problems Found in Toyota Vehicles

—Let's just say the first time you use the odometer reset button will be the last time. (Jameson)

Additional Gaffes Made by Joe Biden

—At a formal dinner with the British Prime Minister, he used his dinner fork to eat his salad, his salad fork to eat his dinner, and his dessert fork to stab a diplomat in the throat. (Tenessa)

Moral Imperatives That Didn't Make the Cut for the Ten Commandments

—A man shall not lie down with another man, unless that other man is also fabulous. (Mike)

Other Problems Found in Toyota Vehicles

—Owner's manual contains a detailed section on how to execute a sneak attack against Pearl Harbor. (Brandon)

New Slogans for ESPN

—"All the News That's Fit to Grope" (Matt)

Rejected Winter Olympics Events

—Attempting to Keep a Straight Face While Listening to Canadians Try to Talk Like Regular People (Joe)

Other Ways the U.S. Postal Service Plans to Cut Costs

—Instead of expensive daily mail delivery, they'll open your mail and send you a text message if there's anything interesting for you to come in and pick up. (Jameson)

Additional Gaffes Made by Joe Biden

—Keeps trying to get Obama to reenact the jive-talking scene from Airplane. (Tenessa)

Rejected Winter Olympics Events

—The Excruciatingly Long Human Interest Feature (Mike)

New Slogans for ESPN

—"A Little Inter-Office Sex Never Hurt Anybody... Well, Except for That Chick in Accounting Who– (REMAINDER OF SLOGAN REDACTED BY ESPN LEGAL DEPARTMENT)" (Brandon)

Other Ways the U.S. Postal Service Plans to Cut Costs

—Dusting off the old mail cannons they used during the Civil War. (Matt)

Additional Gaffes Made by Joe Biden

—Got tossed out of the annual Vice Presidents' leg-wrestling tournament on the White House lawn for fighting dirty, including "groin stuff." (Joe)

Other Things Sarah Palin Has Written on Her Hand

—What she thinks is her Twitter feed. (Jameson)

Rejected Winter Olympics Events

—Panicking Shrilly and Shutting Down All Public Activity When So Much as an Inch of Snow Falls in a Warm Climate (Tenessa)

Additional Gaffes Made by Joe Biden

—While giving White House tours, regularly references the movie Body Heat when describing the life of Eleanor Roosevelt. (Matt)

Moral Imperatives That Didn't Make the Cut for the Ten Commandments

—While there are no other gods before me, Tom Hanks is pretty fucking awesome. (Mike)

Other Problems Found in Toyota Vehicles

—"Built-in entertainment system" is just a guy who gives vague, second-hand recountings of YouTube videos. (Brandon)

Additional Gaffes Made by Joe Biden

—Once referred to 24's Dennis Haysbert as "the first black president." (Matt)

Rejected Winter Olympics Events

—Bob Costas Metaphor Unraveling Rodeo (Jameson)

Additional Gaffes Made by Joe Biden

—Accused the Chinese ambassador of "going peepee in my Coke." (Joe)

Other Problems Found in Toyota Vehicles

—The Sienna minivan's "Split & Stow" seating has resulted in some misunderstandings. Did I say misunderstandings? I meant grisly infant deaths. (Tenessa)

New Slogans for ESPN

—"It's Like a Sports Slap on the Butt, Except, You Know, on the Tits" (Matt)

Rejected Winter Olympics Events

—Bisexualathlon (Mike)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Sean Hecht, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

© poopreading.com, all rights reserved – advertising info