POOP READING
Jun 10, 2011

U.S. Representative Anthony Weiner made headlines this week when he was caught up in a scandal that involved him sending lewd pictures of himself to women online. Weiner becomes the latest in a growing line of men who have been exposed for transmitting shots of their penis to women. But trying to score with the ladies is only one reason to show the world your stuff..

Other Reasons for Sending Someone a Picture of Your Cock

—Words just couldn't convey how excited you were about completing your first New York Times crossword. (Matt)

—Your doctor's office keeps mistakenly insisting you come in for a pap smear. (Brandon)

—To prove you're not a manatee, for tax purposes. (Jameson)

—How else is your mom supposed to diagnose your herpes? (Tenessa)

—It's missing. (Mike)

—To take the focus off of your terrible fourth-quarter performances that are on the verge of costing your team the very championship for which you sold your soul (LeBron James only). (Joe)

—It's a good way to remind your co-workers who's the boss. (Matt)

—Well, your mom demanded a Christmas card this year. (Jameson)

—That's the official way to ask a Kardashian to marry you. (Tenessa)

—It looks like Peter Boyle. (Matt)

—Just to see what they'll send back. (Jameson)

—To reassure your worried, conservative parents that you didn't end up going through with that "procedure" you'd been discussing. (Joe)

—You kind of think it's prettier than your children. (Matt)

—Capitulating to a blackmailer who has threatened to publish a picture of your cock. (Jameson)

—To prove to them that you're not a vampire (vampire cocks, as everybody knows, do not show up in photographs). (Joe)

—Once you've put the Groucho Marx mustache and glasses on it, it's hard not to send a picture to your old Film Studies professor. (Matt)

—Joining a class action suit against your mohel. (Jameson)

—You're proud of the fact that he's undefeated in your secret, underground cockfighting ring. (You also don't understand why the people who see it always say they were expecting a photo of a rooster.) (Brandon)

—It just happened to be in the frame when you were taking a POV pic of your new shoes. (Matt)

—Putting together the most period-accurate recreation of Paul Revere's ride that you can muster. (Jameson)

—It makes for a really unique baby shower invitation: "Come Celebrate This Dick's Baby!" (Tenessa)

—Because even if you get caught, there's never been a time in human history when the public would be less interested in yet another cock picture story than right now. (Joe)

—Part of your job application for a "morning zoo" radio show. (Jameson)

—Because the world is a better place with your penis in it. (Matt)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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