POOP READING
Oct 5, 2011

Best of Baron von Funny: August-September 2010

Rejected Pilots for the New Fall TV Season

—America's Most Sobering Home Videos (Sean)

Other Construction Projects Deemed Too Inappropriate to Be Allowed Within Five Blocks of Ground Zero

—The 20th Hijacker Bar & Grill (Brandon)

Additional Courses to Be Offered at Glenn Beck University

—The Importance of Being Faux-Earnest (Joe)

Rejected Pilots for the New Fall TV Season

—The Comedy Central Roast of Anne Frank (Mike)

Reasons Brett Favre is Being So Indecisive

—He has a colostomy bag and an ass that secretes an unnatural adhesive, so he is literally incapable of shitting or getting off the pot. (Tenessa)

Signs That the Documentary You're Watching Might Not Be Legitimate

—The Hamburglar is featured, but not shown stealing cheeseburgers. (Matt)

Rejected Pilots for the New Fall TV Season

—Are You Lawyerin' Me? (Jameson)

New Ways to Get Americans to Quit Smoking

—Make the sale of all cigarettes contingent upon first reading a book not written by a celebrity. (Brandon)

Ways JetBlue Plans to Improve Employee Morale

—Will soon allow flight attendants to draw cocks on the faces of passengers who fall asleep. (Joe)

Additional Courses to Be Offered at Glenn Beck University

—Unicellar Reproduction in Lower Mollusks: Just Another Tenet of the Progressive Agenda (Mike)

Rejected Pilots for the New Fall TV Season

—The Seductive Peach Eater (Matt)

Other Construction Projects Deemed Too Inappropriate to Be Allowed Within Five Blocks of Ground Zero

—A stand selling novelty President's Daily Briefings with "[Your Name Here] Determined To Strike in U.S." as the headline. (Jameson)

Surprising Stipulations Found in the Tiger Woods Divorce Settlement

—The children must also be given ridiculous animal nicknames, like "Cobra" and "Goat." (Joe)

Signs That the Documentary You're Watching Might Not Be Legitimate

—Was that just two dudes dressed up as a horse? (Brandon)

Rejected Pilots for the New Fall TV Season

—How I Met Your Mother's Sister, Who I am Secretly Banging (Mike)

New Ways to Get Americans to Quit Smoking

—In England, cigarettes are called "fags;" I feel like we could do something with that. (Joe)

Reasons Brett Favre is Being So Indecisive

—His contractual obligations to Eggo require that he waffle on every decision he makes, big or small. (Matt)

Additional Courses to Be Offered at Glenn Beck University

—Construct Your Own Straw Man Opponent (Jameson)

Rejected Pilots for the New Fall TV Season

—Late Night With David Letterman and a Young Staffer (Joe)

Other Construction Projects Deemed Too Inappropriate to Be Allowed Within Five Blocks of Ground Zero

—The No Background Check Required Flight Training Academy (Brandon)

Rejected Pilots for the New Fall TV Season

—Penises Have the Darndest Smells (Matt)

Additional Courses to Be Offered at Glenn Beck University

—Topics in Chalkboard-Based Paranoid Free-Association (Jameson)

New Ways to Get Americans to Quit Smoking

—Play up the fact that Obama smokes; that'll make at least 60% of Americans want nothing to do with it. (Joe)

Signs That the Documentary You're Watching Might Not Be Legitimate

—Things take an unexpected turn when the pizza boy shows up at the sorority house. (Sean)

Other Construction Projects Deemed Too Inappropriate to Be Allowed Within Five Blocks of Ground Zero

—The Depictions of Muhammed Art Institute (Brandon)

Ways JetBlue Plans to Improve Employee Morale

—The "Mile High Club" will make a quick transition from unofficial to official. And then, soon, to mandatory. (Joe)

Rejected Pilots for the New Fall TV Season

—Lifetime for Women's Nothing but Farts! (Mike)

Additional Courses to Be Offered at Glenn Beck University

—The Misunderstood Upsides of Slavery (Tenessa)

New Ways to Get Americans to Quit Smoking

—Every cigarette will now look like a hairy, flaccid penis. (Matt)

Other Construction Projects Deemed Too Inappropriate to Be Allowed Within Five Blocks of Ground Zero

—Rob's House of Daily Streetwide Confetti Showers of Paper, Asbestos, Debris, and Human Ash was voted down before he even got through the proposal. (Jameson)

Rejected Pilots for the New Fall TV Season

—CSI: Port Authority Bus Terminal (Brandon)

Signs That the Documentary You're Watching Might Not Be Legitimate

—Narrator finishes each sentence of voice-over with the phrase, "Or at least that's what I read on Wikipedia." (Joe)

Other Construction Projects Deemed Too Inappropriate to Be Allowed Within Five Blocks of Ground Zero

—A building made entirely of fire. (Matt)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Sean Hecht, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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