Poop Reading - New Mottos for the U.S. Secret Service

New Mottos for the U.S. Secret Service

—"Worthy of Confidence?" (Brandon)

—"The Money's on the Dresser" (Mike)

—"What Would Elliot Spitzer Do?" (Matt)

—"Will Commit Treason for Boobies" (Tenessa)

—"We Had to Hire Way More Agents Because There's a Black President; Quality Control Was Bound to Suffer" (Joe)

—"Join Up and You Might Get to Meet Ted Nugent!" (Jameson)

—"Sowing the Seeds of American Freedom Since 1865" (Matt)

—"We Test Everything Before It Comes in Contact with the President. EVERYTHING." (Brandon)

—"Where Everyone's Code Name Is Charlie Sheen" (Mike)

—"Hired Guns Who Hire Gals with Huge Guns" (Tenessa)

—"No Secret Shirt, No Secret Shoes, No Secret Service" (Joe)

—"Classy Enough Not to Kill Our Hookers" (Matt)

—"Our Intel Said These Were Weaponized Vaginas" (Brandon)

—"The Marion Barry of Elite Protective Forces" (Mike)

—"Puttin' Hits on Spectacular Tits" (Matt)

—"It Was All Just a Promotional Stunt for Our Wacky New Series Not-So-Secret Service – Coming This Fall on NBC!" (Brandon)

—"The Guys Who Put the 'John' in the Johnson Administration" (Tenessa)

—"If You Had to Follow Rick Santorum Around All the Time For Six Months, You'd Need a Prostitute Too" (Matt)

—"40 Out of 44 Ain't Bad" (Joe)

—"Spurting American Values All Over the Face of the Earth" (Matt)

—"Fighting the War on Women One Payment-Shorted Hooker at a Time" (Brandon)

—"Can't We Just All Agree That This Is Obama's Fault?" (Matt)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner