POOP READING
May 4, 2012

This week, Texas governor and former Republican presidential candidate Rick Perry said that God forgives people for their "oops moments" even if the American voters won't, referring to the infamous incident where he muttered "oops" during a presidential debate when he couldn't remember the third federal department he'd promised to eliminate if elected. And according to Perry, that's not the only "oops moment" God will forgive...

Other "Oops Moments" Rick Perry Says God Will Forgive

—Shooting gay people, as long as you honestly only meant to scare them. (Jameson)

—Rustling around in your pocket to get a piece of gum during church and inadvertently masturbating. (Matt)

—That time you declared the middle Hanson sibling "not too shabby" before you found out they were all dudes. (Joe)

—Accidentally saying "Cock" instead of "Coke" when asking "You guys like Coke?" while speaking to a youth group. (Brandon)

—Those hookers in Dallas. (Mike)

—Confusing the Country Music Association Awards with the Academy of Country Music Awards. (Jameson)

—Misinterpreting "petting" at the petting zoo. (Matt)

—Up to three "sharts" per year. (Joe)

—Punching what you thought was Steven Tyler, but turns out it was a horse. (Brandon)

—Those hookers in Houston. (Mike)

—Running over a famous bear. (Jameson)

—Forgetting your wife is giving birth to your child two rooms over because an episode of Magnum, P.I. was on in the waiting area. (Matt)

—When you're a dude and you wake up in the middle of the night to pee and the pee kinda goes everywhere and you're too sleepy to clean it up. (Brandon)

—The transvestite hooker in Corpus Christi. (Mike)

—Rearranging "oops moment" to spell "Mom sent poo". (Jameson)

—"Making it rain" on the pastor after offering has been collected. (Matt)

—All of your hairstyles between 1974 and 1988. (Joe)

—ABC's canceling of Once and Again. (On second thought, no, God still will not forgive that.) (Mike)

—That time when you walked past a bath house, tripped, stumbled through the door, had your pants ripped off when they got caught on a doorknob, only to then accidentally grab a man's erect penis while trying to steady yourself right before you fell onto a dildo. (Matt)

—If you accidentally evolve. (Jameson)

—Sarah Palin (for which God also forgives Himself). (Mike)

—The Chevy Chase Show. (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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