POOP READING
Dec 19, 2012

Best of Baron von Funny: October-November 2011

Upcoming Movie Remakes Featuring Talking Animals

The Pig Lebowski (Jameson)

Herman Cain Pickup Lines or Things People Might Say in a Restaurant

—"I hope you're not allergic to nuts." (Mike)

Other Ideas Netflix is Scrapping

—Revamped "Suggestions For You" section that would contain personalized messages like: "Lose some weight, tubby", "Add a little more makeup there, fugmo", or "Go fuck yourself, Matt". (Matt)

Least Popular New Broadway Shows

Anything Goes (But No Anal) (Brandon)

Other Things Mike Krzyzewski Can Do Better Than Bob Knight

—String together unpronounceable consonants. (Tenessa)

Less Interesting Versions of Famous Book Titles

Harry Potter and the Death of Cold You'll Catch If You Don't Button Up That Jacket, Young Man (Joe)

Upcoming Movie Remakes Featuring Talking Animals

Raiders of the Lost Aardvark (Brandon)

Inappropriate Halloween Costumes

—Ghost of Martin Luther King, Jr. Looking Down on A-Rod Spanking It to a Picture of His Widow, Coretta (Jameson)

Things Republicans Are Willing to Do If It Will Help Them Avoid Having Mitt Romney as Their 2012 Nominee

—Sex outside of the missionary position. (Mike)

Other Things Mike Krzyzewski Can Do Better Than Bob Knight

—Be achingly white. (Matt)

Other Ideas Netflix is Scrapping

—VHS rentals for ironic hipsters. (Tenessa)

Least Popular New Broadway Shows

Avenue Jew (Joe)

Other Things Mike Krzyzewski Can Do Better Than Bob Knight

—Keister a magical golden basketball found in an abandoned cave deep in the mountains of Tajikistan. Or at least that's what I thought I heard Jay Bilas say once on ESPN. I wasn't really paying attention. (Brandon)

Herman Cain Pickup Lines or Things People Might Say in a Restaurant

—"I usually do the drive-thru, but tonight I feel like coming inside." (Jameson)

Inappropriate Halloween Costumes

—Steve Jobs's Grieving Children (Mike)

Upcoming Movie Remakes Featuring Talking Animals

Bonnie and Clydesdale (Matt)

Least Popular New Broadway Shows

Les Moonveserables (Joe)

Inappropriate Halloween Costumes

—Sexy Hiroshima Survivor (Tenessa)

Other Ideas Netflix is Scrapping

—Every DVD copy of Tree of Life will come with a handful of skin flakes from director Terrance Malick. (Brandon)

Things Republicans Are Willing to Do If It Will Help Them Avoid Having Mitt Romney as Their 2012 Nominee

—Slap a fake mustache on Newt Gingrich and take their chances. (Jameson)

Inappropriate Halloween Costumes

—Sexual Predator Drone (Mike)

Less Interesting Versions of Famous Book Titles

As I Lay Queefing (Matt)

Other Things Mike Krzyzewski Can Do Better Than Bob Knight

—Spend one minute in a room with Christian Laettner without singing "Gaaaay, Gay Gaay Gaay GAAAAYYYY" to the tune of the Dragnet theme. (To be fair though, almost nobody except Mike Krzyzewski can do that.) (Joe)

Less Interesting Versions of Famous Book Titles

Charlie and the Regular Windowless Elevator (Tenessa)

Upcoming Movie Remakes Featuring Talking Animals

Doggy Day Afternoon (Brandon)

Least Popular New Broadway Shows

Matthew Broderick Shits in a Tin Bucket Live on Stage for 45 Minutes (Jameson)

Other Ideas Netflix is Scrapping

—Netflixlovers.com, a fetish site for people who enjoy making love to Netflix DVD sleeves. (Matt)

Least Popular New Broadway Shows

How To Succeed In Business By Screwing Over Those Chumps In the 99% (Joe)

Things Republicans Are Willing to Do If It Will Help Them Avoid Having Mitt Romney as Their 2012 Nominee

—No butt stuff. Well, okay, maybe a little butt stuff. (Brandon)

Herman Cain Pickup Lines or Things People Might Say in a Restaurant

—"You're gonna be glad you wore that bib." (Jameson)

Upcoming Movie Remakes Featuring Talking Animals

Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kinkajou (Matt)

Inappropriate Halloween Costumes

—T-Shirt That Says "Occupy Wall Street," Then a Pair of Shorts with "Wall Street" Written on the Back and an Arrow Pointing to the Butthole (Joe)

Least Popular New Broadway Shows

Hey, Isn't That Hal Linden? Nope, Nope, It Is Clearly Not (Brandon)

Baron von Contributors: Tenessa Gemelke, Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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