POOP READING
Aug 9, 2013

This week, U.S. President Barack Obama canceled a planned September summit in Moscow with Russian President Vladimir Putin. The two countries have been at odds over Russia's refusal to turn over American fugitive Edward Snowden, but that's hardly the only reason the two leaders are not getting along...

Other Things That Are Causing Tension Between Barack Obama and Vladimir Putin

—Putin sends Obama delicious Russian caviar and Stolichnaya vodka, Obama sends Putin a case of Budweiser and a couple Filet-O-Fish. (Mike)

—Putin's government is discriminating against homosexuals, while Obama believes homosexuals should be treated fairly when it is politically expedient to do so. (Jameson)

—Now that he's divorced, Putin wants to hold all of their meetings at Russia's version of Hooters: "Is Big Tatas Under Coat, Yes, You Buy Food Now". (Brandon)

—It's not just Obama; Putin has always had utter contempt for any man who has wrestled fewer than ten bears to the death. (Joe)

—During discussions, Obama always slips in some hip-hop slang in order to thoroughly confuse Putin and his interpreter. (Matt)

—When Putin returned Obama's copy of Letters from a Nut, the cover was bent, and you could totally tell he did that thing where he folded the cover all the way back behind the book while reading it. (Dan)

—Disagreement over whether Han Solo shot first. (Mike)

—Putin can't overlook the fact that Obama keeps appearing as a guest on Leno. (Jameson)

—Obama can't prove it, but he swears Putin sneaked an extra couple $500 bills from the banker's tray the last time the two of them played Monopoly. (Joe)

—Obama keeps spoiling who won previous seasons of Survivor that haven't yet made it to Russia. (Mike)

—Putin owes Obama a dinner, but when he took him out Obama just ordered soup, and Obama claims that doesn't count as a meal. (Jameson)

—Obama is more into Star Wars, whereas Putin is more into Star Trek and is also a dictatorial kleptocrat who has people with inconvenient political opinions murdered. (Joe)

—Putin's insistence that they conduct all of their meetings shirtless. (Brandon)

—Every time they have a picnic, Obama brings original Ruffles. Putin hates original Ruffles! (Matt)

—Still reeling from their disastrous 2007 appearance on ABC's Wife Swap. (Jameson)

—Every time the Russian leader takes a restroom break, Obama makes the same "Putin's got the shits" joke to the tune of "Puttin' on the Ritz". (Joe)

—There are things that happen during "hardcore negotiations" with Vladimir Putin that you can never forget. (Matt)

—Probably nothing that couldn't be resolved with a heart-to-heart conversation over a bottle of wine and some ice cream, but you know men! (Jameson)

—Putin's such a sports fan that he stole a Super Bowl ring; he can't possibly respect anyone who plays basketball in dork pants. (Joe)

—Neither will accept blame for Yakov Smirnoff. (Mike)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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