Poop Reading - Additional Demands of the GOP 'Suicide Caucus'

Additional Demands of the GOP "Suicide Caucus"

—Must defund Obamacare and also be happy about it. (Dan)

—All House Republicans must wear the same red Nike tennis shoes. (Mike)

—Want to be called the "Suicide Cocks", sounds more badass. (Brandon)

—We're still not seeing nearly enough of Oliver Platt. (Joe)

—Free healthcare for ants; immediate public executions of all aunts. (Jameson)

—$100M to fund research looking into what's up with Miley Cyrus's tongue. (Dan)

—The official motto on U.S. currency shifts from "In God We Trust" to "In GOP We Trust". (Mike)

—Harry Reid has to run up the Capitol steps wearing nothing but a "Nobamacare" diaper. (Brandon)

—"Suicide Caucus" tattoos covered under Obamacare. (Dan)

—Any Continuing Resolution must include "No Poop Wednesdays" to save water. (Mike)

—No more NFL teams wearing the same color pants and jerseys. That looks idiotic. (Joe)

—Somebody MUST hire Tim Tebow. (Dan)

—When your spouse says "fine," he or she is now legally bound to tell you whether the "fine" meant "that sounds fine," or "go fuck yourself." (Mike)

—Pittsburgh Pirates must win the World Series. (The Suicide Caucus may be a bunch of pricks, but they're not heartless monsters.). (Brandon)

—Copyright of "Suicide Caucus" so that nobody can use it as a band name. (Dan)

—GIMME!! I SAID GIMME! GIMME!!!!!!! BUT I WANT IT! I WANNNNNTTTTT IIIIIITT!! WAAAAAHHHHHH! (Mike)

—Two-year moratorium on any and all Breaking Bad spoilers, so people who are just now finding out what all the fuss is about can catch up. (Joe)

—No more black presidents. (Mike)

—Must love dogs. (Dan)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner