Poop Reading - Surprises Found in Donald Trump's Personal Financial Disclosure Form

Surprises Found in Donald Trump's Personal Financial Disclosure Form

—$250k expense for "falsified personal financial disclosure documents". (Jameson)

—Even for an alleged billionaire, he spends a lot of money on Skittles. (Mike)

—Legally changed his middle name to Golden Trump International Penis Tower. (Brandon)

—Once purchased the land on which a public library sat and had the building razed rather than pay 50 cents in late fees on a Danielle Steele novel. (Joe)

—Made $37M from sales of his board game, Trump: The Game, only to inexplicably go bankrupt while playing the game himself. (Dan)

—So much more money than you'd ever think someone could invest in actual pork bellies. (Matt)

—For tax purposes, Mitt Romney's driveway is Trump's legal next of kin. (Jameson)

—The people Trump paid to cheer at his presidential campaign launch were later also paid to cheer as he wolfed down a party sub. (Brandon)

—Always keeps $15 in nickels handy, in case he needs to dump them into a tube sock and beat a snitch to death. (Joe)

—Has never bet on baseball, but once bet Leona Helmsley that he could fit a baseball into her mouth. (Jameson)

—Has lost upwards of $1.7M in cash somewhere in his hair. (Brandon)

—He prints his own money with his face on it, and then bribes people who work at stores to accept it as legal currency. (Joe)

—Trump has never personally owned a $12,000 sex doll, but he is the sole proprietor of dozens of shell companies that own them and pay him "storage fees" to keep them in his house. (Jameson)

—Did indeed take any 11 albums for a penny, and then a 12th album for free, but did not go on to buy two additional albums at the regular price, plus shipping and handling. (Brandon)

—Heavily invested in gold due to his lack of faith in the national treasury, but only the finest gold-plated gold. (Jameson)

—Pumped all of the royalties from Trump: The Art of the Deal and Trump: The Art of the Comeback into the failed publication of Trump: The Art of the Shart. (Brandon)

—He owns every Beanie Baby. Not every type of Beanie Baby... every Beanie Baby. (Joe)

—He's 69 years old, heh-heh... [COUGHING FIT, CLEARS THROAT] Sorry, got a little congested there... what I was trying to say was he's 69 years old, he should make sure to get screened for colorectal cancer, which typically means a yearly stool test, a flexible sigmoidoscopy every 5-10 years along with a stool guaiac test, and a colonoscopy every 10 years. (Brandon)

—Earns a tidy stipend from several high-end Manhattan toupee dealers just for reminding people that the hair on his head is purely his own. (Jameson)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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Surprises Found in Donald Trump's Personal Financial Disclosure Form