Poop Reading - Other Things Guys Talk About in the Locker Room

Other Things Guys Talk About in the Locker Room

—Sexy lady bits, like the glitter-ass and the Volvo. (Brandon)

—The pros and cons of pube straightening. (Matt)

—Developing code phrases so they can talk about their emotions in public without sounding weak. Like, "grab 'em by the pussy" = "contemplate the ephemeral joys of fatherhood". (Jameson)

—Who can afford two outdoor, claw-footed bathtubs? (Mike)

—Whether there's a compelling reason why that one dude really needs to clip his toenails here instead of at home. (Joe)

—Ranking the Faces of Death series in order from best to worst. (Dan)

—Just a nonstop listing of all the things they've found stuck inside their penis, from nachos to a cape to an old Sears catalog. (Brandon)

—Ruth Bader Ginsburg backin' up that ass. (Matt)

—Trying, with an intensity that is almost endearing, to understand the appeal of anything "pumpkin spice". (Jameson)

—Whether, in twenty years, their ass will look that old guy's ass over there. (Mike)

—Absolutely nothing, unless they're colossally incapable of interpreting social cues. (Joe)

—Mufflers, and whether or not they are going to pay a lot for them. (Brandon)

—A thorough textual analysis of Mel Gibson's What Women Want. (Jameson)

—How long the prostate doctor can keep his finger in before it's technically considered "doing butt stuff." (Matt)

—It's actually a support group for those still struggling to come to terms with Coy and Vance, the fake Dukes of Hazzard. (Mike)

—99% of it is just pointing to their crotches and asking, "Is this normal?" (Dan)

—The Pythagorean Theorem, mostly. (Jameson)

—How great they are at sex, and how they and their wife have sex all the time, and reminding everybody about that one time their mistress made headlines for saying how great their sex life was, and how the size of their hands has nothing to do with the size of something else, and how they don't at all seem like they're desperately overcompensating for something. (Brandon)

—Windsor knots... Windsor knots for days! (Jameson)

—Whether throw pillows should match the bed skirt. (Mike)

—Whether asking if throw pillows should match the bed skirt is a euphemism for something. (Brandon)

—Just like any time men are alone together, everyone talks like a flustered Dan Rather. ("Light up the flyswatters and get Mama Mabel on the horn!" "That's about as murky as a Mississippi mudpie!") (Jameson)

—Oh, the usual... denigrating Mexican immigrants, banning Muslims, putting Hillary in jail. You know, guy stuff. (Matt)

—The smell. (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Dan Lee, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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Other Things Guys Talk About in the Locker Room