POOP READING
Apr 14, 2017

Next Tuesday is the deadline for filing federal income tax returns in the U.S., and with the increased focus on President Trump's tax returns and his proposals for reforming the tax code, we thought you could use a refresher on some of the taxes you may owe and some great options to reduce them.

Lesser-Known Taxes and Tax Loopholes

—Happy Hour! Take 5% off your tax bill if you file on a Wednesday before 7pm. (Jameson)

—White Privilege Tax-free Earnings. (Matt)

—Primary income earners can deduct hot takes on Twitter but must pay an overage on untaxed Facebook posts exaggerating their children's accomplishments. (Mike)

—Hey, remember J.T. Walsh? That'll be 500 bucks if you don't. (Joe)

—If you watched the movie The Accountant, you can deduct the ticket price as tax preparation fees. (Brandon)

—The "Person Who Puts Raisins in Cookies" excise tax. (Mike)

—You owe an extra $80 if the cash your wallet isn't all oriented in the same direction, with bills grouped by value. (Jameson)

—Voluntary Withholding (also a term for the punishment my wife gives me when I haven't done the dishes). (Matt)

—The Too Fast, Too Furious Deduction for anyone who has sat through the entire Fast and Furious series. (Mike)

—Severe penalties for any zoo or animal habitat that purposely, and with the intent to mislead paying customers, mislabels their wildebeest habitat (this is known among Trump administration insiders as the "fake gnus tax"). (Joe)

—Tim Roth IRA Contribution Deduction. (Matt)

—Any income that you don't really feel like talking about is non-taxable. (Jameson)

—You get a $1500 tax credit for every Pokémon you caught over the course of calendar 2016. (Joe)

—The Golden Combover Tax Indemnity. (Mike)

—All children qualify as dependents, but children who aren't constantly squealing "Mommy, watch!" are worth a little extra. (Jameson)

—If you made less than $30,000 and received health insurance subsidies, you will be bused to a rich person's house to become their indentured servant. (Brandon)

—Tax exempt interest given for municipal bondage payments. (Matt)

—Money your children inherit from you is tax-free for the first $5 million. Dead-eyed expressions and a complete lack of shame they inherit from you, however, would be taxable. (Jameson)

—Every American has a mysterious 27-cent charge on their tax return that just says "reorangening." (Joe)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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