POOP READING
Jun 2, 2017

Late Tuesday night, President Donald Trump's personal Twitter account sent out an odd, abruptly-ended tweet that just said "Despite the constant negative press covfefe", and then sat undeleted for several hours. It was finally removed early the following morning, at which point Trump tweeted "Who can figure out the true meaning of 'covfefe' ??? Enjoy!" So we are all left wondering, what is the true meaning of "covfefe"?

Possible True Meanings of the Word "Covfefe"

—A small series of strokes. (Mike)

—It's the name that history books will attach to the catastrophic climate changes that take place in the years after the U.S.'s withdrawal from the Paris climate accord. (Brandon)

—A "safe word" he and Roger Ailes used to use when they were out grabbing pussies together. (Jameson)

—It was a sled that Trump had when he was little. (Joe)

—"Watermelon Tits" (Matt)

—A word that invokes an ancient curse in which an orange-skinned, golden-haired buffoon brings about the end of the world. (Mike)

—Acronym for "Christians often vote for evangelical frauds, eh?" (Brandon)

—The existential dread that follows when a group to which you don't belong has the temerity to hold their own exclusive screening of a superhero movie. (Joe)

—"But her emails." (Mike)

—Pretty sure it was the title of a 1991 erotic thriller starring Willem Dafoe. (Brandon)

—The most delicious condiment known to man, found only in the Roanoke Valley. (Jameson)

—What the Minnesota Vikings do in the fourth quarter of every game. (Mike)

—The sound you make when you try to say "cock fest" immediately after taking a huge bite of pizza? (Brandon)

—That little strip of underboob sweat that, no matter how hard you crank the AC, always appears after like 20 minutes of driving on a hot day. (Joe)

—"Pee pee tape." (Mike)

—All I know is that New York City has already banned its use in food. (Brandon)

—It's a Russian phrase Putin used to say while staring directly at Trump that translates as "Why waste a horse when you can ride an ass?" (Matt)

—That universal feeling when you accidentally hit your "bring more Coke" button while you're pooping on your golden toilet and your Coke butler accidentally brings you coke, not Coke, and he also catches a glimpse of your micropenis. (Brandon)

—"I don't know what I'm doing. Please, remove me from office while you still can." (Mike)

Baron von Contributors: Brandon Kruse, Matt Kruse, Joe Mulder, Jameson Simmons, Mike Wagner

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